.Tuesday, December 11, 2007 ' 7:31 AM Y
blogged
"you're making a choice to live like thisin all of the noiseI am silence"Light Up the Sky by YellowcardI am back...finally back. and confused mind you. Ouchy, too many things to do.
Guys, I think I do need an advice. Care to read on?
You see, I was once a Taekwondo devotee. I can say until this very minute. I miss it so badly--I wanted to play again, before it's too late. The 'rents won't let me and I'd be having a hard time looking for the money to be spent on tournaments. I was once a college varsity in taekwondo until I stopped and gave it up all because I ran for the Student Council in our college. It was a tough decision. I thought I was really going to be contented with all my responsibilities at hand.
There had been a lot of nights--nightmares. It would haunt me every now and then. It repeats over and over again, asleep or awake, over and over again in my thoughts..."play--play--play taekwondo once again". It does hurt. I wanted to play "my sport". It was the only sport I was good at. I failed at basketball, I never knew how to serve in volleyball, I was a dumbass in chess and I can't even guard a ball as goalie in soccer!
I miss it so much, God please help me. My head says, I had to focus to what I want--a good job, feed my family and in that way I would be satisfied. Satisfied, yes, but it doesn't totally mean I am happy. Sometimes with too much focus on one thing--
we miss out on a lot of exciting things in life. That is so painful. I have 2 years to play...still two years to play. What do I do now? I only live once, I still wanted to play. But, I didn't want to think only of myself. What would my parents say? They'd be so heartbroken if I decide to play again. When all they have ever wanted was to see me on top of the ladder. Academics.
I could still remember way back high school. My parents never went up to give me my medal. I was the lone "Sports Awardee" for the Special Science Class. They never wanted me to play any sport. Play the ordinary, typical play yes but play for your school as a varsity? No. No way. They've been closing their minds since high school.
My prob is, I didn't want them mad. Frustrated and Heartbroken. I want them to be happy. Now, I can't do things that would make me happy, because I had to look back at them and ask myself this "simple" question (simple?!): "Are they happy when I am happy?" and "Am I gonna be happy when they're not?"
Ouch.
